Rest In Peace February 7, 2021
I’m so sorry to tell you that my darling Wilson died in my arms on Sunday afternoon, at 4pm. I’d played Muddy Waters, Howlin Wolf & John Lee Hooker on YouTube for him all morning, then switched to Gyuto Monks chanting for Freedom at the Top of the World…he always loved that Tuvan Throat singing….I placed little solar lanterns on the bed as it got dark out…just party lights over the mantle…..he loved their soft glow…”we all need better lighting as we grow old, right,darling?” I’d laughed with him about that only the night before and he winked. I hadn’t heard his voice for two days, but he agreed with a tiny smirk.
I had promised I’d take care of him, protect him, and keep him safe. He trusted me to keep him alive for 12 years and I did that until it was truly time for him to go. He looked beautiful and at peace…he grew cold, and I raised the quilt up under his chin with his trusty smiling toy giraffe, Mambo, lying with his face right next to his, under the covers. I kept sitting with him and talking to him until they came at 8pm to collect him. A new carer, Stephanie, helped move the bookshelf & portfolios from the long hallway so they could take him out lying down, serenely. I was horrified at the thought they might have to strap him onto that firemen’s chair, bolt upright, weaving past that stuff and bumping down the five steps, to the sidewalk. I didn’t want them to hurt him or bump him……we made a nice wide empty hallway for him to glide through, his whole long length of him relaxed on his journey…
I know this website looked strange for several months, with a “Not Secure” notice…I didn’t know but someone tried to hack it! I was too busy with Wilson’s decline to even check it. But It has been scrubbed & made safe again.
If you feel inclined to donate to the Special Needs Trust again, Wilson’s very crippled Widow would very much appreciate it. I’m grateful for all the years of support you have given to us…you’ve made it possible to afford a phone, cable, WiFi, streaming movies for all these years! We’d have been cut off from the world without your generosity. For that, I thank you. Wilson loved watching movies every day, and at bedtime we always ended by watching a standup comic. He wasn’t able to speak, but he understood what was said, so sometimes he’d holler “Nahhh” and I’d ask “You don’t like this one?” And he’d say “NO” I’d laugh, agreeing with him, and search for another performer. “Pretty funny how you can’t remember how to brush your teeth, but you’re a MOVIE CRITIC and a know it all of all things regarding HUMOR. “Yahhhh” he’d say, self satisfied, meaning “How could it be otherwise?”
I quite agree and concur.
Please look on our Facebook pages for Tributes to him, and add your own. I’ll read them all. They are a great comfort.
I’ll continue to write on here, and hope you’ll check in now & then.
I will never stop loving Wilson. I’m alone in this house with all his things and our long history together. It doesn’t just end. I keep getting up to go check on him….I burst into tears like I’m doing right now. I don’t know how this is properly done..saying good bye…
But you all deserve condolences, too. I’m sorry for YOUR loss as well.
Big Love and gratitude….Lorraine
To view GALLERY OF DRAWINGS – click on JUNE 2013
February 10th, 2021 at 10:53 am
Dear Lorraine:
I first encountered Wilson’s work in Zap #2, way back in 1968, and I’ve loved and collected his stuff ever since. He changed my way of looking at reality almost as much as LSD did. He’s always been my favourite of all the undergrounders and I’ve often wished I could have journeyed to San Fran and met him, if only just to say “Thank you”.
Lorraine, my heart goes out to to you, as does my boundless admiration for your bravery and for the love and unflinching support you’ve given Wilson all though these terrible years. I’ve followed your posts for years now and have found them so moving– I wish I was well-off enough to have helped you with some financial support– and while it appeared in recent months that Wilson was approaching his end, there’s always hope. My dear, beautiful, beloved wife of 40 years passed away last May of breast cancer and so I have some idea of how searing and sorrowful loss of a dearly beloved can be. And I know what a special gift caregiving from a loved one can be to those who need care. I went through a harrowing treatment for tongue cancer 11 years ago– the whole experience lasted nearly a year– and Anne was there for every step of the way. She was my rock and my refuge, just like you were for Wilson. I was able to return her loving care when her time came– and she, too died in my arms. She was only 69. Deep in mourning, I still cry for the loss she suffered– and for my own– every day. And I cried at your description of Wilson’s body being taken away. I had a very similar experience with Anne.
I wish I had words of comfort, but I know all too well that often, at times like this, there are none. Know that Wilson was loved by a great many people, including people like me who knew him only through his work, and know that he was so fortunate to have you at his side for all these years. I salute your loyalty and your love and your courage, and I hope you find light beyond this dreadful darkness that now envelops you. I’ve not yet found my own light– Anne took it with her when she passed– but I will keep looking. She wanted me to carry on and have a life after she was gone. It’s proving to be a struggle, but I promised her I would. I hope you find the strength to do the same.
Love,
Gordon W.
Pender Island, BC
Canada
February 10th, 2021 at 11:27 am
Hey Lorraine its Florida Man, Im So sorry To hear that Mr Wilson is gone. The man was a legend. My condolences go out to you.
Jason
February 12th, 2021 at 12:16 am
Thank you, Lorraine, for loving and taking care of Wilson.
August 17th, 2021 at 2:54 am
Lorraine my love. I’m sorry to hear about Mr Wilson. Although I didn’t know him, my love to you and him. You may not remember me but I owned the herb and flower shop in Chester CT. I met you when I dropped a flower arrangement by the house in Essex.
We had great conversations and I loved so much your incredible energy. I would love to hear from you if you have time 603 727 6819. I live in New Hampshire at the horse farm.
September 17th, 2021 at 12:58 am
Gregg….
Of COURSE I remember you! I’m thrilled to hear from you. This is so kind of you to write.
I’ll be sure to give you a call. Thank you so much.
Best,
Lorraine
August 4th, 2022 at 10:10 pm
My condolences. He was and continues to be a great inspiration.